YOU CAN’T STOP COMMUNICATING

It’s not surprising that so many people are interested in looking more closely at communication, along with breathing it’s the thing we just can’t seem to stop doing, it’s part of the flow of life. We are either expressing ourselves (speaking), receiving another (listening), or we are connecting within ourselves. Many have an inner voice that speaks inside, however, others have more of a tone or think in pictures. Regardless your brain is providing you with non-stop data in response to your life experiences and encounters. Even when we sleep our subconscious takes over and keeps up our nonstop expression in our dreams

It’s inescapable, it’s everywhere!
How we are communicating is shaping our world!

Fortunately, there are many of us who have been drawn to contemplate communication.  I choose to sincerely express my gratitude for our collective concern and commitment to finding alternatives to our mainstream methods of expression. I think it will take a culmination of our resources and a shared sense of camaraderie for us to have a global impact increasing understanding and reducing conflict. Sharing and honoring all of our ideas and insights, without competing and comparing them, is what I believe will help us join together as a powerhouse of peaceful allies.

Personally, I have been drawn to Nonviolent or Compassionate Communication (NVC) to be my main guiding force. It was what made it through my bubble of perception and I genuinely resonated with its consciousness and principles. I don’t have expectations that others will have the same urging to investigate NVC.  What I am hoping is that I will reach people with a sincere desire for more compassion and connection in their lives who are willing to invite new ideas inside their minds to muse on.

Right now all of us have an internal monologue (or picture show) that is running through our minds. I think we all know the challenge it can be to keep it from meandering off into its well-known rants and racquets, analyses and evaluations, memories and musings, fantasies, and daydreams, ponderings, and plans. Maybe you are drifting off right now thinking about what order you’ll run your errands, or what you’ll have for dinner if your friend is frustrated with you, how you look, or what someone else is thinking about you. While we do wander off in our minds, we always have the choice to reconnect to what is right now.  NVC has taught me to remember that when I am communicating with myself or another, I want to consciously choose and re-choose (I forget, a lot) to make my intention, connection, and my attention on the present.

At the end of this, I will share a book that was not even written when I originally wrote this post, that has been so helpful to me, so it may be helpful for you. First I want us to take a look at what we see in our culture that seems to be bent on dishing out disconnected drama while clinging to the past for dear life.  We continuously see this demonstrated in our own self-deprecation. (wow, we can be cruel self critics) and the repeated reactions and common responses we see demonstrated in every interaction between humans, both real and portrayed in our media. We have been overdosing on judging, blaming, manipulating with guilt, motivating with punishments and rewards, denying choice with demands, creating misery with comparisons, and denying responsibility for our feelings by declaring that someone outside of us can make us feel a certain way. We create our inner world; our feelings are born inside us and are our responses to what we experience.  How often do we hear the phrase, “you make me feel”?  Would you enjoy experiencing the liberation and empowerment of owning your feelings?  Are you willing to consider that while you may provide a stimulus, including the ones I would describe as quite poke-y, you cannot make another human feel an emotion? I think all our relationships would drastically improve if all parties acknowledged that how they feel happens inside themselves and is not inflicted upon them by others. Of course, this does not include physical violence. This truth also does not want to shame you if you feel hurt, scared, unseen, etc, or condone behavior lacking respect. It seeks to empower you to honor your emotional freedom. If this is hard to grasp, try to check in with yourself the next time someone makes you responsible for how they feel, and consider it again.

Even when motivated by a deep concern for safety, equality, and justice, if we express ourselves by blaming and labeling others, “you are a selfish prick,” I have a strong hunch whoever was called this is not going to give a s%!t about anything else you have to say. How much desire do you have to hear out someone who uses grade school tactics and calls you names? Unfortunately, what often happens is that when we are “poked” with another’s judgment our reactive mind often takes over and we are sucked into the same behavior “You’re a moron.” “You’re greedy.” “You’re lazy.” “It’s all your fault.” “You started it.” “I’m telling the teacher.” “You are going to get it.”

Not necessary, we have words!!

What I worry about is that if we don’t evolve out of this elementary method of communicating, we will perpetuate the existing torture trap of words and weapons between “us” and “them.”

Suggested reading:

Published in 2017, “Your Resonant Self",” by Sarah Peyton offers the initial invitations into self-warmth through a powerful healing technology called resonance. Through easy-to-understand neuroscience concepts and exercises, the first book teaches the reader how to use resonant language and neuroplasticity to transform inner criticism, shame, depression, and anxiety into self-kindness and warmth.